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Review: TuneUp Finds Missing Music Meta Data

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In brief: TuneUp (500 song cleanups for free, $12/yr subscription, $20 lifetime license) makes it easy to find missing metadata for songs and missing album art.

I bet your music collection is a lot like mine used to be: a hodgepodge of mp3s, m4as, and other types of audio files that you’ve acquired over the years and ripped using various shareware products of dubious quality, resulting in hundreds or thousands of tracks that are misspelled, missing album names, and are generally a mess:

A small snippet of my pre-TuneUp Library

Sad Snippets of my pre-TuneUp music collection are coupled with…

Album covers small

… an even sadder dearth of album covers.

Sorting your library in iTunes yields a list of songs named “Track 01 – Insert Song Name Here” or “Kanye West Christmas Album 02: Jingle #(@*#ing Bells.” You’re missing album art, your genres are a mess. And, since doing a file-by-file fix would take hour upon frustrating hour, there’s no prospect of things getting better any time soon.

But don’t lose hope, because TuneUp (Windows only, Mac version coming this fall) is here to help. Launched earlier this year by the TuneUp Media, TuneUp offers a dead-simple way to scan audio files and correct missing or corrupt meta data, including album cover art. Its back-end is powered by Gracenote’s music fingerprinting service, which boasts a database of 80 million different tracks and 6 million albums.

Cleaning up your wayward tunes is easy – drag incomplete tracks to TuneUp’s interface, and the program returns results in a few seconds. Click to approve the suggested changes to update the file information, or reject suggestions or undo changes if you see a mistake.

In addition to scrubbing features, TuneUp offers a “Now Playing” companion that suggests YouTube videos, merchandise, and concert schedules for the song that you’re scrubbing or playing.

So what’s good?

  • It works: I threw nearly 400 songs at TuneUp, and it found the correct track name, album, artist and genere for all but 2 – a godawful techno remix of Boys of Summer (like you don’t love DJ Sammy), and an instrumental version of the New York Mets theme song (my favorite ringtone). That’s 99.5%, for you stats geeks. TuneUp claims a standard 85% – 90% success rate, with most misses coming from remixes, unreleased live concert tracks, and the most obscure of obscure songs.
  • It’s easy: Drag, drop, click. Done.
  • If you don’t have a ton of music to fix, it’s free: TuneUp offers a free trial version that will clean up to 500 tracks.
  • “Added value” is actually added value: The “Now Playing” section offers a fairly comprehensive list of videos, concert schedules, related music, and more. The merchandise and ticket auction sections feel like you’re having a bunch of referral links pushed at you, but they’re easily ignored.

What’s not as good?

  • Clear the schedule: While TuneUp identified tracks quickly (2ish seconds apiece in my run), writing the metadata and album art was not. My 400 songs took nearly 15 minutes to find, 40 minutes to write.
  • It’s not that I don’t love you, it’s just that sometimes I need some me time: Like a needy, whiney, insecure significant other, TuneUp won’t let you start iTunes without TuneUp tagging along. There is no feature in the preferences to disable this, and a forum posting on the topic doesn’t contain any reassurance that it will be coming anytime soon. Without uninstalling the program, I couldn’t find any obvious way to prevent TuneUp from loading.

As for my results? Take a look:

Fixed covers

If you’ve got an eyesore of a music library that seems to taunt you every time you try and find a mislabeled track, you would be well-served by shelling out an Andrew Jackson to give TuneUp a try. It does what it says it will do, and does it well. As long as you’ve got a couple of hours to kill and don’t mind an application that loads every time you run iTunes, you will be rewarded with a music library that is so pristine that it looks like you actually paid for every single one of your tracks.

Update: The San Francisco Chronicle also provides a write-up of TuneUp, and contains a brief discussion of the Picard Project, which offers a free alternative to TuneUp. I haven’t tried Picard.

Editor (JT)’s Note: While I have both a personal and professional relationship with the TuneUp team, I did no edits whatsoever to this review, nor provide any direction or insight into the content, tone, etc.  My only involvement was to provide an introduction between Dan Rubin (article author) and the individual providing reviewer support at TuneUp.

The Universe Didn't End Last Night. Which is nice.

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With all of the Internet incessantly consumed by Steve Jobs’ health (none of your business), the startups at DEMO/TC50 (can’t remember a single one of them yet), and the audacity of politicians who lie (what a surprise), it seems like not many people were paying attention to some other fairly important news last night. The Large Hadron Collider (LHC) was turned on last night, and the reports so far – it works. Or, well, we aren’t quite sure about the results, other than not destroying the universe as we know it.

I’ll be honest, I’m quite unaware of the actual technology here, and I don’t really understand the actual risk level. But if you weren’t aware either it works a little something like this. The humongous machine took 20 years to build, was extremely expensive, but could teach us how the universe actually works. Keeping the science talk out of it (from what I’m learning, this is how one becomes a successful politician – ignore things like scientific details and economics, those are just for them elite folks), basically this is like a nuclear reactor on Barry Bonds quality steroids.

When operational, the machine takes two atoms, and smashes them together really hard. Then they use a bunch of meters and instruments to see what happened (they also stream live video). Ideally they replicate the Big Bang (or, as creationists like to call it, Sunday at about 8am) and learn how it happened.

The only glitch, as some point out, is that if they really pull it off, recreating the Big Bang could be, well, in a word, catastrophic. Now some may recall the Y2K panic, which was a bunch of technically illiterate bizness-folks overreacting to a near-non-issue (and I’ll be honest, I was avoiding elevators that day). This time, however, it’s those science folks who were concerned, and fairly legitimately so. But, regardless of caution, the Swiss engineers at LHC decided to flip the switch of the machine designed 20 years ago (you know, before cell phones, laptops, TiVo) to see what would happen.

Again, I don’t know how real the threat was. Could’ve been nothing at all. But something does kinda bother me about the notion of a small group of people having enough power at their disposal that has no form of international oversight whatsoever. Call me crazy.

For more fun reading on the way science can end the world, read on. If you’re getting a little panicky right now, click here instead for a soothing lullaby.

Internal Memo Leaked: Apple to Close Business on Tuesday

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In an incredibly rare “scoop” I received an email from an anonymous Apple employee who shared an internal memo with me. Here are the contents (name withheld by request):

To All Apple Employees:

After 12 great years back at Apple, I’ve come to make an important decision about the future of the business. With great analysis of the current and future markets, I’ve decided it’s time for us to close shop. While this may surprise some of you, I think if you truly consider the situation I’m sure you’ll come to the same conclusion yourself.

Since I rejoined Apple, we’ve rebuilt the image of the company in its entirety. Our flagship product, OS X, represents the pinnacle in operating systems. Normally we’d pursue improvements, but after playing with the latest version of a Vista PC, it seems like there’s just no point in working on making ours any better.

Since the launch of the first generation iPod we’ve utterly dominated the portable MP3 player landscape. In fact we’re outselling our competition by such a ridiculous margin it often feels like we’re playing the Washington Generals!

In 2007 we built the best phone ever made. In 2008 we followed it up with the best phone ever made. This process is likely to repeat itself far into the future.

It’s great to win, but something changed after we launched the MacBook Air, the lightest, thinnest, fastest, shortest, longest, cleanest, tallest, and softest laptop ever built or ever will be built.

So I sat down with Jonathan Ive and we brainstormed other industries to go conquer. We debated products such as microwaves, vacuum cleaners, dish soap, and even breakfast cereal. We just couldn’t find anything else that would be really exciting to go monopolize.

Therefore, I’ve decided it’s time for us all to move on. It’s been a really fun time, we have the best team in the world. I believe the best thing we can possibly do is quit while we’re way ahead. Additionally, think of all the amazingly talented resources out there to join the workforce at other technology companies that could use some help (I’m thinking of you, Jerry!). Trust me, it’s a good thing.

Please remove all personal effects from your offices by 5pm, as all campus buildings will be demolished immediately thereafter. Apple Store employees will all have job offers from the new tenants of their current locations, as they are being converted into Red Lobster franchises.

And one more thing.

I’ll be showing up at the Chicago White Sox training camp next Spring. If that doesn’t work out, my back-up is seeing if the Jets need any extra QB’s next year.

Steve Jobs
Apple CEO

There it is, unaltered, and unverifiable. Until Tuesday morning, that is. Should be a keynote to remember it seems!

ps – just in case, can all stockbrokers think twice before making trading decisions because of something you read on this blog?  thanks. on a related note, I am an Apple shareholder.

Should We Pay for Broadband by the Byte?

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Man on computerBy announcing that it would cap residential broadband users to 250 GB in downloads per month, Comcast last week made a tacit admission that it can charge users $0.17 per gigabyte ($43/month for the service), cover its operating costs, and still make a profit. If Comcast is happy to charge these rates to its heaviest users, the people who put the biggest strain on its residential broadband infrastructure, why shouldn’t the regular users enjoy the same benefit?

Buffet. Just like broadband, but tastier. The answer is that US broadband service is akin to a Chinese Buffet – the heavier users, who scarf down everything they can, are subsidized by lighter users, who pay more in exchange for consuming orders of magnitude less. The restaurant owners (and broadband providers), who scream “you eat like killer whale!” while a miniscule percentage of their users exceed some arbitrary limit, continue to pull in the same amount from everyone, making a killing on those who don’t eat very much, or only use their broadband to email, surf the web, watch a couple of YouTube videos every day, and download a few big files every month.

For a buffet, which is generally an infrequent indulgence, the system works. But for a recurring service like broadband, there’s no sense in charging customers a fixed rate when there is such a large disparity in consumption.

So here’s my modest proposal for Comcast, and other broadband providers: make broadband equal for all users. Set a monthly account maintenance/access fee (tier it to overall connection speed, if that’s your thing), and then charge everyone for the bits they actually use. The benefit to consumers is clear: if you’re paying for what you use, most users will pay less. The benefits for providers? With the battle for broadband users heating up, and 40% of the country still using dial-up services, the cable companies and telcos have a huge opportunity to attract vast swaths of new customers to not only their broadband services, but also their TV and phone services. Played right, the revenue increase from new sign-ups (if you were a new broadband customer, what kind of pricing would you choose?) could easily offset the initial decrease in broadband income.

There’s no reason for arbitrary caps if you charge for every bit. There’s no need to drive the people who use your service more than anyone else into the arms of a competitor (if, of course, there is one). Charge people for what they use, and customers will flock. Or, keep playing these ridiculous cat and mouse games that only upset your top users, and cause you reams of bad press with all the others. It’s not that hard a choice, broadband providers. Do the right thing.

Why the Technology Stances of Our Politicians Are Meaningless

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I don’t much care about a politician’s stance on technological issues. Do you?

Joe Biden.Sure you do. The net? Gotta keep it neutral! Excessive penalties for minor copyright infringement? Joe Biden’s proposed legislation that would force electronics makers to ensure that the government could have access to any encrypted communications? Take my key and shove it, komrade Biden!

John McCain is against net neutrality legislation (not the idea of net neutrality, mind you, just the idea of legislating it. He’s super free-market, despite the fact that the free market can’t thrive where there’s no competition. How many broadband providers can you choose from, again?) Barack Obama, the geek’s stalwart, is all hat, no cattle, when it comes to punishing the evil telecoms and protecting you from warrantless wiretaps (I don’t worry too much, I just set my Twitter account to “Private” and don’t add “US Government” or “NSA” as a friend on Facebook. Plus, I totally jailbreak my iPhone That should solve it, right?)

All of this stuff is really important. Right? That’s what we say… until we get in that voting booth. Then, our pragmatic side finds that little things like national security and the economy are just a wee bit more important. It’s a natural reaction – in the grand scheme of our lives, having a sound economy and taking out the bad guys du jour are always going to trump our need access ESPN.com in 30 milliseconds instead of 90 milliseconds, or our fear about whether or not we’ll be ponying up a couple of grand because we swiped a copy of Bring it On 2: Bring it More On off of the Pirate Bay. It’s easy to support net neutrality, it’s another to shrug off short term worries in order to support it, especially when your candidate of choice may not be on the right side of the issue.

It’s a shame, (and here comes the pessimism) because net neutrality will be one of those topics that we look back and ten years from now and say “if only we had held lawmakers responsible back then, we would have something other to do on the net than tune to the Sports Portal (sponsored by ESPN), the New-o-Tron (CNNBCFOX), and LOL Cats Central.” But it also means that, when CNET publishes a story on McCain’s VP pick that’s as brutal as the story they published on Biden, you won’t have to fret too much if you’re a McCain supporter, because a bad tech record isn’t going to mean anything when you close the curtain to vote November 4.

Update: Ziff-Davis’s Larry Dignan covered this as well.

Fun Weekend at #Gnomedex

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JT at gnomedexAll I knew about Gnomedex in the past was that it had something to do with new media, open source/tech, and if you are invited to get on stage and speak about your company there is a chance that doing so will cause uproar in the audience. When I was invited to speak on behalf of Bug Labs, I decided to hold off on creating a presentation until I was a few hours into watching others do the same.

Some of the presentations were eye-opening, such as Danny Sullivan demonstrating the power of search and the challenges of privacy. I learned a lot of useful camera tips from Vancouver photographer Kris Krug (go Canada!). I was inspired by the power of the crowd when the attendees + audience raised over $3000 during Beth Kanter‘s presentation. I also paid a lot of attention to the backlash on Twitter during the Magnolia presentation and the debate over Sarah Lacy’s keynote (which was unquestionably NOT the focal point of the show for those who only read CNET’s coverage).

After watching a few and following the feedback on the live video stream as well as on Twitter, I started making my deck (a.k.a. powerpoint presentation). I decided to (1) keep the “Bug Labs company/products pitch” extremely short (2/53 slides), (2) keep the “Bug Labs vision pitch” as the centerpoint of the show, (3) keep it moving fast, (4) inject humor, and (5) make a point.

All was well until the guy before me gets up and starts showing off stuff I couldn’t possibly “compete” with. Robots and spaceships. Yep, it was Scott Maxwell from JPL, the guy who drives the Mars Rover! Come on! Seriously though, fascinating content, with a highlight of a picture showing the planet Earth from the surface of Mars – the first such picture ever taken. Scott received a standing ovation for his show. Next up, JT…

Video streaming by Ustream

I had a great time making the slides as well as during the presentation itself (few more thoughts here). Thanks to the audience for your support and positive energy, it was a lot of fun. To those of you who couldn’t be there, just do a twitter search for #gnomedex, you’ll see a lot of action.

Home Renovation: What Tech Do I Need?

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My wife and I bought a house a few months ago, and it needs some renovation work (read: holy crap, we’re practically gutting the place, what the heck were we thinking???). One aspect of said work is redoing the entire electrical system, which gives me the opportunity to put in all sorts of cool new tech.

Things I know I want for sure:

  • Sonos as my distributed audio system of choice. We’ll be putting in-ceiling speakers in a few rooms, and they’ll be wired to Sonos units which we’ll have clustered in two locations. I debated putting iPod docks in the walls, but they’re pricey, we don’t currently use iPods, and don’t allow for multi-room distribution.  Plus this’ll give me a chance to check out their new hardware!
  • NETGEAR/Infrant NV NAS to serve media (this replaces my Maxtor Shared Storage Plus which appears to have just died, gah!). In my current apartment I’m a bit leery of the NV as it’s loud and we don’t have a place to hide it away, but this won’t be a problem in the new spot.
  • Current Panasonic plasma + Xbox + Pioneer receiver all move into “JT’s Cool Room (no girls allowed!)”. But the Bose speakers go “buh-bye” and my Definitive towers return! FTW. I’ll probably also hook up a Mac Mini with Boxee on it for photo/Internet streaming. The only other TV in the house will be a smaller (25″-32″) flat-screen in one of the sitting rooms – yes, we’re actually going to make the living room a place where people don’t watch television!

Things I know I don’t want for sure:

  • Central Vacuum. We thought this would be great, but after a little digging in, seems like they are consistently underpowered poorly designed products. Pass.
  • Video Intercom Front Door System. The day I move into my 15,000 square foot mansion I’ll consider it, but until then, I can run down the stairs to see who’s there. Plus I’m going to try to jury-rig something myself with a Bug Labs setup.

Things I am on the fence about:

  • RJ45 (Ethernet) outlets in every room.  Seems like a waste.  When I ask my friends, the overwhelming reason for it is “to stream 1080p video around your house”.  Now that is really just not a good reason in my opinion, but I do like the idea of future-proofing.  Plus I guess it’ll be easier for hooking up printers or other networked devices where wireless is not built-in… ?
  • Insteon (or other) smart lighting systems.  I’m not a fan of home automation systems (wait, for only $50K I can have my lights turn on and off and I don’t even have to get off the couch?  where do I sign up?), but Insteon is fairly inexpensive and the platform is open enough to hack around with.  From what I’ve read, however, I can always add it after-the-fact, so I’ll probably save the $ now, then do some tinkering down the road.

Anyone have any recommendations here, or notice anything I’m missing?  Would love some thoughts ASAP  as wiring starts in ~2 weeks!

How-To: Design a Killer Dual-Screen Laptop

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When I got my original Vaio (the good one, not 2.0 aka “the trainwreck”) I was amazed by the thinness of the screen (even next to an Air it’s a very thin screen). I distinctly recall the day I dreamed up a dual-screen laptop, one that would work inside the existing context of Windows (or OS X) and be extremely helpful for a variety of different types of users. Since then I’ve heard of numerous forays into the Dual-Screen Laptop space, and in each case I simply don’t understand the efforts.

Three out of four of the concepts I’ve read about use one screen as a big “touchpad”, the other as a traditional display (here, here, and here). The fourth has a very bizarre “folding half-screen” approach, which just looks like it should be called the Picasso edition.

I believe the correct approach to a dual-screen laptop isn’t about replacing the keyboard, it just doesn’t seem like a high-want item. I’m a decent typist, but I don’t think I’d do well on an all-touch screen-keyboard (a la iPhone). Instead, I think about how people use both laptops *and* desktops with dual-monitors, and what options would make sense in a single unit.

So, without further adieu, here is my little “Recipe For Success” to built a useful dual-screen laptop (along with my terrible photoshopped prototype image):

Start by thinking of a thin-screened laptop like the (now former) Sony Vaio SZ series. Imagine on the side (left or right – you pick) a hinge, and on the other side a clasp. You release the clasp, then a second screen swivels out (via hinge) to appear next to your original screen. Attentive readers will realize at this moment that the screen is facing away from the user, which means the hinge needs a swivel as well (just like on a tablet PC). That’s the basics, but read on for it to all make a bit more sense. Also, I’m not stating that this configuration is for everyone, but, like a mini-notebook, it should appeal to… some?

First it gives the user an instant two-monitor setup, very familiar to many desk setups. Nothing like extra screen space when you spend your working hours with one. It probably wouldn’t work too well back in coach, but in a Starbucks or at home, would be a great solution.

Also, since there is a hinge/swivel mechanism it can be used to create a second screen facing away from the user. Super handy for anyone doing frequent presentations. If it’s not clear by now, the other fringe benefit here is this second screen works just like a second monitor, so it would be compatible with Windows XP or Vista (if necessary, ugh) with no special/new drivers.

If we want to get fancy, let’s make the secondary screen touch-sensitive, then we have a tablet interface running while we are at it. Not sure what the impact is to cost/feasibility here, but my hunch is it would be the least of the design concerns.

Clearly this isn’t the budget laptop, and this won’t be interesting to quite a few readers. But I have a hunch there’s a few people reading right now who really really want one. Chalk me up on the list.

How-to: Automatic URL Shortening with Bit.ly and TextExpander

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Hi, my name is jonathanpberger and I’ll be covering all sorts of nerdy topics here on LiveDigitally. Got comments? Questions? Rants? You can drop me a line at jpb@livedigitally.com or see what else I’m up to on my Twitter feed, my homepage, or my tumbleblog.

One of my can’t-live-without-it time-and-keystroke-saving apps (TextExpander) got bumped to version 2.3 today. It’s a minor update: a few bug-fixes and a new snippet group for Accented Words (like “rosé”, “olé”, “sauté”, or “jalapeño”). But I got to playing around, and saw a cool video demonstrating how to use TextExpander for another time-and-keystroke-saver: URL-Shortening.

URL-Shortening may not seem like a big deal, but it comes in handy when you’re dealing with space restrictions (like Twitter’s 140 character-limit), you want to tidy up some messy links, or you’re trying to RickRoll someone. It’s one of those possibly-extraneous activities that makes life a tiny little bit easier, but only when it’s effortless to employ. Enter TextExpander.

Jack-Daniyel Strong has a great tip for shortening URLs using TinyURL, TextExpander, and Applescript. After setting it up, you can shorten URLs by

1) copying the URL to the clipboard, and 2) typing a preset abbreviation. It’s that easy.

I’ve adapted his technique for the new kid on the URL-shortening block, Bit.ly (which everyone is gushing over), and which provides a host of neat features like History, Click/Referrer tracking, thumbnails, mirroring, and best of all, a robust API. Continue reading →

What if Apple invented and sold the Segway?

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Steve Jobs on SegwaySo I was walking around Downtown Chicago last weekend, the very same weekend Apple pushed 1 million iPhone 3G units out the door, and saw a police officer stroll by on his government issued Segway, which got me thinking. What if the on-top-of-the-world tech giant invented, marketed, and sold the Segway today. Would Apple be able to push the 50,000 to 100,000 units out the door that Segway Inc. expected to sell in its first year of sales? I think the answer is 100% yes. Well, maybe 90%.

-Design Design Design
Apple has a knack for taking products to their limit of how good they can look. When Steve Jobs got a first look at the Segway back in 2003, he said, “Its shape is not innovative, it’s not elegant, it doesn’t feel anthropomorphic.” (For those of us that needed to look up that word: anthropomorphic adj. – resembling or made to resemble a human form.) If Jobs and his designers were to design the Segway, it would, for sure, be better in those three areas. Of course there would be a snazzy placement of a light up Apple logo, causing all the Apple lovers to eat it right up.

Also, the most important design & production point, Apple would be able to get enough of a mass production discount to keep the cost of the device down. They would shoot to have these priced at $2,999.00 (or as low as $77.00 a month). Crossing that $3,000.00 price point, for the base unit, is too scary for consumers.

-Bandwagon
With the popularity of Apple now, and the way people are eagerly handing over their credit cards for anything with an Apple logo on it, they would easily be able to push 100,000 units out the door in a year. I know some of you are saying, “Hey don’t push that overzealous bandwagon theory into this argument, everyone that buys an Apple product knows exactly what they are buying!!!” Well let me present to you this sample dialogue told to me by my co-worker that was waiting in line for his iPhone 3G.

20 something woman waiting in line, gets approached by what is assumed to be her mother.

Mother: What are you waiting in line for?
Daughter: Oh this new Apple phone. It’s cool, its got a touch screen, plays MP3, it’s really cool.
Mother: Really?! Maybe I want one of those too!
Daughter: Yeah, you should get one! Wait with me!

Woman and her Mother wait in line. An Apple associate comes by to answer questions.

Mother: What’s the deal with this phone?
Apple Associate: Ma’am the Apple iPhone is the most advanced cell phone on the market now, it has fully integrated PUSH email, calendar, and contacts. Along with real web browsing, an app store, and now integrated GPS.
Daughter: Oh really?! GPS, I had no idea it could do ANY of that!
*(Words are approximated, but idea is the same – Thanks Dave)

This was probably a common occurrence within the lines and lines of people waiting for the iPhone.

There are some of you saying, there are plenty of Apple products that Apple sells that don’t reach the numbers you are talking about. You are correct, but with the iPhone-like hype the Segway got when it was originally announced, Apple would be able to quickly turn that hype into sales. They have built up a well enough rapport with consumers, that as long as there is a line to get it, a cool factor, and an Apple logo on the side of it, people will shell out the cash/credit for it.

-Marketing is King
Apple is a marketing juggernaut and would have to assert its dollars in this area in order to make this product sell. They would saturate the movie and television market, making it look like everyone in our society uses a Segway on a daily basis. With the right ad campaign, they would be able to make everyone in the world think they were morons for wanting to walk anywhere. Commercials, billboards, and subway cars would all be screaming at us, “Soon there will be 2 kinds of people. Those who walk, and those who walk different.” Other ads will be telling us to purchase this new transportation device because, “It just goes”.

With the skyrocketing fuel prices, and the big push for “Being Green”, electric powered transportation is the “new black”. (Ironically, all of Apple’s successful gadgets come in black!) Apple would need to leverage this in their marketing and let people know, “Not only is this the coolest gadget IN the world, it’s the coolest gadget FOR the world.” A perfect example of this is the Honda Civic Hybrid. The Civic was already one of the coolest cars for teens and 20-somethings. But make it “Green”, and you got yourself a car that you have to get on a waiting list to buy.

Whether you agree with me or not, it seems like something just might be a brewing on this front, since on July 7th, the former CTO of Segway, Doug Fields, left to join Apple (JT: maybe this new hire has to do with the unknown “future product transition”).

Hopefully Fields can get this project on a roll. I know I speak for most when I say that we are just so tired of walking everywhere, and we don’t want to look like the biggest nerds ever, on a non-anthropomorphic Segway.

The iPhone 3G proves that there is no economic downturn

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$4 gas (in the northeast, anyway), bank collapses, sluggish economic growth, pundits predicting recessions, bear markets, $140 oil, $900 gold, rampant foreclosures, and a plummeting dollar!

Oh my.

But for those of you quaking at the specter of Depression, or waiting in line at a California bank to retrieve your hard-earned cash (where you are reading this post on your 3G-enabled mobile device, natch), or those who are convinced that their money is surely safer in a mason jar under the mattress than an FDIC-insured institution, let me offer these comforting statistics:

Don’t read this as an indictment of the people who stood in line. I’ll happily admit I know these wait times because, in my desperate need to 3G-ify myself, I made no fewer than five calls to various Apple stores over the weekend, even stopping by one on the way to the beach on Sunday to see whether their line was less than ten hours – it was, at a mere four, but they had capped the line because lucky Mr. Minute 240 represented the last phone they had in stock.

Folks, there is nothing to worry about. Our gadget-driven economy has never been stronger. As long as we fanboys can find both the scratch and the time, including taking a day off from work(!), to queue up by the sweaty thousands for a shot at the latest shiny bauble (OK, mobile communications device with blazing fast TM internet access, location-awareness, and a shiny, shiny interface), we can find a way to ensure tha the American economy remains a juggernaut. Jeremy posited that Apple is really the only company that can do hype right, but I don’t think he’s taken it far enough. Buttressed by Jobs-obsessed tech acolytes like you and me, the company has the ability to single-handledly (multi-touchedly?) drive the consumer engine of this great nation until our worries of collapsing mortgage giants and $100 fill-ups are things that we tell to our kids via a Sling application running on the latest 5G Apple iBrain.

But first things first: can someone give me a ride to the Apple store? I’m kinda short on gas money these days.