Verizon's New Plans? Success. LiveChat Customer Service? Fail.

I saw over at Engadget today that Verizon has some new cell plans.  This is great news for Verizon customers like me who are being raked over the coals to enjoy their network.  And I’m not being (too) facetious here, it really is a great network, I only drop calls in two locations: (1) I-280 by Sand Hill Road (millions of VC dollars can’t get a good tower built???) and (2) inside the United terminal of JFK.  Otherwise, all is great.

I saw the new plans seemed quite attractive, but none quite meet my needs.  I have a “FamilyChoice” plan that my wife and I use to make calls throughout the US and Canada (where we go frequently).  It’s a little pricey, but very convenient for our needs.  The new plans are:

• $100 – Nationwide Unlimited (voice)
• $120 – Nationwide Select Unlimited (voice, SMS, MMS)
• $140 – Nationwide Premium (voice, SMS, MMS, VZNav, VCAST, email)
• $150 – Nationwide Email and Messaging (voice, SMS, MMS, and data)
• $170 – Nationwide Global Email and Messaging (voice, SMS, MMS, and international data)
• $200 – Family plan with two lines, $100 per additional line.

All look good, but no Canada.  After viewing the Verizon website for a while, I saw a chat window pop up, offering help.  I figured it would be easier than calling.  Here’s the transcript (verbatim, no edits made):

Antione.: Hello. Thank you for visiting our chat service.  May I help you with your order today?
You: hi
You: i am an existing customer, i have the America’s Choice FamilyPlan
You: so it’s 3000 minutes, for both USA and Canada
Antione.: How may I assist you today?
You: i heard there are new plans
You: whats the new equivalent for my plan?
Antione.: How many lines?
You: 2
Antione.: I recommend the Nationwide Family Share Basic 3000 minute plan. This plan includes unlimited nights & weekends so you can talk all you want on the nights and weekends. It also includes unlimited IN calling so you can talk free to any Verizon Wireless customer. This plan costs $149.99 per month and includes 2 lines. Will this plan work for you?
You: does it include canada?
Antione.: You can call to canada with our nationwide plans.
Antione.: How does that sound?
You: how about from canada?
You: (sorry about that delay, the window was hidden)
Antione.: Yes, you can call to canada with a nationwide plan.
You: how about calling FROM canada?
Antione.: One moment please.
Antione.: We do not have any family plans to allow you to call to canada.
You: so i shouldnt change from what i have today, right?
Antione.: You can keep your current plan if you would like.
Antione.: What features are important to you in a phone?
You: huh?
Antione.: Are you eligible for an upgrade?
You: why are you asking? does this impact my ability to make calls to/from Canada?
Antione.: I have not heard from you for a few moments.  Would you like me to keep this chat session open for you?
You: did you see my previous question?
Antione.: I was checking to see if you were eligible to upgrade your phone. Our family plans does not offer you to call to canada.
You: so the question had nothing to do with what I was asking about?
Antione.: We offer a single line that has the ability to call to canada. I am sorry about that, we do not offer any phones that will allow you to call canada with the family plan.
You: ok, thanks very much

Hmmm… I think my favorite part is the triple flip flop on whether or not Canada is supported.  It’s either that or the random shift from helping me into trying to get me to buy a new phone.  Thanks very much, Antione, for so much non-help.  I feel slightly dumber for having had that conversation.